it makes me fucking SICK
that these people i've happily given so much of my life to
these people who will lie through their teeth
and call themselves my 'friends'

can only bitch forever
about how my happiness fucks them over
From sam because i can't give him my time
(because he did not give his time to me
and because i honestly prefer treys company)
From my boss because my lifestyle makes it very obvious that i don't give a shit about that job
No, not exactly
I like the job and would like to keep it, but its not worth the stress its been giving me
From my ex, because he hurts and he thinks i don't
just because i found someone to love doesnt mean my heart doesn't still break with shame for what i've done
but i can't offer anymore than my love and promise that i will try to learn from my mistakes
From malaina, because i'm not home to clean HER fucking house. Because she's made it clear thats that what it is.
I'm not at home because i'm with my love and i don't choose to spend my energy on people who won't appreciate it
and i'm sure thats being selfish.
Right?
Must be selfish to want to spend your time with someone who makes you happy
Like maybe I didn't earn it after the 9 months i spent in this town fucking ALONE
and MISERABLE
you FUCKS


*doesn't apply to all*

i just don't know what to do
i won't be unhappy for the sake of your ego
i'm sorry and i love you
but you can fuck off.

Deepak Chopra
Pema Chodron
Baba Ram Das

The sangha.
hm.


he gives me this book and its perfect and just what i need
just like he is
just like isaac was when he gave me awakening loving kindness

its amazing what happens sometimes
it makes me very nervous
but i think it might be so very beautiful

lets try to fall in love again
hm?
<3



and i listen to the clicking and the buzzing and Against Me! screaming in the background
hair falls to the floor like soft snow
and i don't know what to do with it, so it still sits in a grumpy little pile there
but my scalp breathes for the first time in forever
taking responsibility for my actions
one shaved head at a time...
i wander


try to find that compassion again


give it away, give it away, give it away now


love
<3